He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
