I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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