Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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