I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
