I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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