My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
