Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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