the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
