One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
