There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
