He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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