how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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