u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
