He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.