i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day