i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...