And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Damn victory sex feels great
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
