I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack