He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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