I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize