Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
