he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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