I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
