Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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