oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
