I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
