there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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