I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
