you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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