So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can't motorboat a personality
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize