did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He passed out mid-signature
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
