I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
