I wish my penis had an off switch
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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