im six kinds of drunk right now
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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