WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
