About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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