oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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