Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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