I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
