Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
