I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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