The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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