It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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