my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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