Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
