And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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