So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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