hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
