And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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