Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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