"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
