I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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