Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
