Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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