Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my shit smells like andre
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
