I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
