Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
