I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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