get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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