I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
