Already got asked if we're dating
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
