You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
