my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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