I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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