i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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