you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
