i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm really busy with my period
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