I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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